I didn't have any time for myself this week. I didn't take any. And you know what happened? I exploded. I broke. The fuse blew.
Still, as I sit here writing this, I can feel smoke coming out of my ears. My husband (bless his heart) is calling up to me from downstairs and all I want is to be left alone.
I just made a chocolate mug cake and I still feel like shit. Are you kidding me? It's the best fucking mug cake I've ever had, and I'm pissed. Why? because there is literally only ONE thing I need to make it not feel like the sky is falling, and I did not have that thing even once this week.
That thing is time for me.
Is that selfish? NO. And fuck you if you took it there. Because the truth is that you cannot give your energy to others unless you have the energy to give. And bitches, this tank empty as fuck.
Long days of doing work you don't like, demanding plans, family drama - whatever the actual things are, this stuff can waste you. We all have times in our lives where we feel like things are just sort of coming completely unhinged. And these are the times that it becomes most apparent:
We need grounding.
And honestly? I sort of don't not mean the kind of grounding where your parents basically put you in timeout for several days.
I say this because usually, when the world legit feels like it is crumbling beneath your feet and the flames of the depths of hell are licking your toes, you kind of need to step away and reset.
Self care is ridiculously underrated. And I say this with really the utmost rage. But we're not going to buy into that bullshit mentality. No. Instead we are going to examine how we can take care of ourselves so that we can even begin to take care of the things and people around us.
Stop yelling at your friend/spouse/boss/child/self and go find a quiet corner to simmer the fuck down. This probably isn't anyone's actual fault right now, you're just overflowing with the restless exhaustion that comes with being completely drained. Go to your corner.
Identify what fills you up inside. Is it sitting for hours with a good book, completely uninterrupted? Is it going out for ice cream with your friends? Is it napping? (Seriously, is it? Because I think there should be more napping in the world. More on that another time.) Once you've identified one of those things, hold on to it and bring it with you to Step Three, where I know that you know where this is headed.
Fucking do the thing! I don't care how packed you think your schedule is, if you can't find time to recharge, none of that other shit matters. Look at your planner/calendar/whatever and find a time-slot for this thing within the next 3-ish days. Write it down in the most permanent of markers. This time that you've scheduled is just for you, because your mental and emotional health matter, and they affect literally everything you do.
This is one way to fix it. I'm sure there are a million others, but whatever your way is, (and I mean "actual way", not "thing I do to run from my feelings and numb the pain",) find it and do it.
I scheduled a run and an ice cream date for myself tomorrow. What are you going to do?