Baby Steps

I stepped into the gym that morning after months of ignoring that the gym even existed. I hadn't touched a piece of equipment yet and my heart was already pounding.

I felt so stupid for spending oodles of money on a gym membership I never used. I had gotten used to the weird guilt that would show up every time I picked up a burger from the place next door. Plus, I kept telling myself I would cancel my membership soon, because "I'm not a gym-person anyway."

Yet, there I was at 7am, scared as fuck and ready to remind myself what cardio was.

Take A Break Already

I'm just kinda like, sitting here in the sunshine.

It's a Saturday afternoon as I write this after a shitty shit shit workweek, which PS was only three days long cuz I was on vacation with my family for the other two magical days. Maybe that made the three days shittier. I miss my family.

This week, I decided to give myself a break. After releasing a ticking stress bomb on Monday by awkward-bursting into tears in an adorable AirBnB in the middle of the awe-inspiring beauty of nature, I made the conscious decision to just give myself a break already.

Your What, Why & How

Sometimes you get desperate. I know. Sometimes I do too. But just a couple of words on this:

Please don't.

There's this torturous place between "I know what I need to be doing" and "I'm not doing what I need to be doing" that feels like... well... torture.

It makes me jumpy. It makes me a little impulsive. It makes me stop giving fucks about things and people that deserve to have fucks given about them. I usually get pretty bitter and cynical when I'm stationed here. This is a dark place. It's a place I'm never proud to be in.

Sound familiar?

Start Showing Up For Yourself

Sometimes you close the curtain and people reach right through and poke you anyway.

What the fuck?

We have these names for things that make us feel different kinds of energy deficits: Energy vampire. Energy-suck. Time-suck. Waste of time. Black hole. Drain.

What do all of these things have in common? They take without giving back.

Right now, It's not hard for me to think of a bunch of people and situations that just leave me feeling empty and cranky and kinda confused. So, I want to talk about boundaries.

Multitasking VS. Multidoing

Every day when I wake up, (before I put on my makeup,) I realize that the world feels like it’s spinning faster than it was the day before.

Life has reached a breakneck pace. People are expected to stay connected, pay attention and be fully invested in all the things all the time. Current events, social media, friends and family, pop culture, work, email, networking, hot yoga, regular yoga, yoga blast – the list is endless.

Time

I didn't have any time for myself this week. I didn't take any. And you know what happened? I exploded. I broke. The fuse blew. 

Still, as I sit here writing this, I can feel smoke coming out of my ears. My husband (bless his heart) is calling up to me from downstairs and all I want is to be left alone.

I just made a chocolate mug cake and I still feel like shit. Are you kidding me? It's the best fucking mug cake I've ever had, and I'm pissed. Why? because there is literally only ONE thing I need to make it not feel like the sky is falling, and I did not have that thing even once this week.